IT’S A MAN’S WORLD — HOW DO FEMINISTS HOPE TO WIN?

It is easy to be admitted as being intelligent but being an intellectual is quite an uneasy burden. It requires you to be a thinker and that requires mental exertion which only very few persons can exert in a measure that certifies them to be called intellectuals. Even I would be hard pressed before considering myself as one. Admitting this, I take solace in being intelligent enough to process my thoughts, admit ideas superior to mine, entertain contrarian opinions and enjoy the beauty of being argumentative.

Patriarchy and feminism are landmines — every step is a trigger. I know this. I do not expect that there won’t be triggers or flaws in this but of course, read the first paragraph and take a chill pill if you won’t make your contrary opinion in similar peace like I made mine.

WHAT FEMINISM MEANS IN OUR WORLD

It is more prudent for recognized feminists and those who play leading role in the struggle to claim that feminism is the struggle for the equality of both genders. The dictionary lends credence to this definition as well. This definition is built on the premise that to attain gender equality, women’s right must be protected, given specific rights, recognition and privileges like their male counterpart. In theory, this definition is laced with the wit of Athena (Greek goddess of reasoning) but is that what feminism means in our world? Or is it just a convenient disguise for what feminism really is.

The concerns of feminism is as age long as biblical creation story. “Let us make man” and then made woman from the rib of man, called woman a helper or helpmate of the man and gave man the responsibility of being her protector and provider. Man became primary concern while women became secondary. It is easy to see why women who bear religious piety consider feminism to be “ungodly”. Basically, every feminist was birthed into a man’s world. Traditions further strengthened this narrative and there’s hardly any culture which holds otherwise not even in the glory of Queen of England.

Education made this imbalance obvious. Women became more conscious of this and the courageous amongst them became forbearers of the feminist struggle and like all struggles, the feminist struggle was caught in many twist and disguise. Feminism became a bracket word for misandrism, sinister wives and terrible women and all forms of social vices against men. Safe to say, feminism in our world is commonly a deviation from what it should be known for. Everything is now the man’s fault. The height of this for me was when a tweet which heaped the blame of unwanted pregnancies solely on men garnered over two hundred and eighty thousand likes (280,000).

That was a very lopsided analysis which sat well with the modern twisted definition of feminism which is now premised on blame men. The internet is a full bin of these misguided thoughts and it is so because we entertain them.

IS THERE REALLY A SCHEME AGAINST WOMEN?

Marxist theory of conflict presumes that man is in a perpetual state of conflict. He holds that social order is maintained by domination and power rather than conformity and consensus. Basically, the domineering will suppress the submissive until the submissive in retaliation, fights its way to being the domineering. There is never the balance which keeps everyone at peace. Essentially, the submissive lives to fight the domineering while the domineering lives to suppress the submissive. This is so because both ends are jealous of the controlling power over the other. They assume that the other end are their enemies and so they make them theirs too.

This theory is very identical with the feminism struggle. Feminist assume and see men as being their rival and enemy that they are now guarded and armed against men and of course, men have grown to accept that women are at war with them. These ones now gladly wear the label Patriarchs.

In the end, we have a misandrist-misogynist conflict in various convenient disguise. It is crazy if you think about it without your bias. I understand that I do not share the idea that “we should all be feminist” and for that reason, I may/have/can be classed in the opposing class but really, I am not and not that I care which class you fit me in. I am just like Jon Snow in GoT — uninterested in the iron throne yet bending knees to Deanerys Stomborn because what mattered was killing a common enemy.

I think that while admitting the imbalance which exist, the conflict raised by both divides is largely due to the perceived nature of what our reality is. An unaccepted truth as I have realized; our minds are treacherous, it has a way of intensifying our lack or what we are not such that they make our reality blurry, unpleasing and unacceptable. A friend once told me she does not like that the first passing attribute ascribed to her by way of description was that she was beautiful. This was easy to do for everyone seeing as her beauty wasn’t a fleeting attribute. It was dashing and compelling. You just would pause and take note of her beauty. I liked that she wanted to be known for her intelligence, industriousness and creativity — she was all of the above yet her beauty was what even I would reckon with. In reply, I extensively wrote on two things: That the eyes is the first point of judgment and the mind recognizes the easiest virtue it can hold. Being beautiful is an unreported virtue and I asked her to consider those moments when her beauty has been the key into the room. The point here is that everything is a function of our mind and everything has its advantage even if we unconsciously dwell in its disadvantages. This is one truth feminist suppress. The advantages of the female gender.

Feminist imagine that the reason there are fewer women recognized is because men have suppressed them over the years and the society favours the male gender while being prejudicially against the female gender. Sound but how valid?

Here is what I mean.

THIS THING CALLED IMBALANCE

Perfection went with Eden. Everything since then has been a struggle. For some, the struggle is light and for others, the struggle is as tedious as can be. This has been since the biblical days. There are no balanced or perfect society. That has been the continuous pursuit of man even if I think man is doomed to fail at it. The imbalance between men and women isn’t absolutely natural. Sometimes, this imbalance is simply our insatiability — holding on to our advantage and wanting more and other times, it could be us, not willing to put in more to get more.

Here is an amusing hypothesis.

“Teach her that the idea of gender roles is absolute nonsense” — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie “A feminist manifesto”

Have we ever wondered why positions like Vice Presidency in most societies are often left to the exclusive preserve of women? What is more is that the Presidency in same society is left open to any qualified person be it male or female. What we may not admit is that this hypothesis exist because there is the fear that if a position is not saved for the female gender, there is likely to be an all-male council and this is often because women are simply uninterested. I think there should not be an issue here. Interest are very personal and should not be forced on anyone just to create a balance. The quest here should be was any woman disenfranchised by reason of being a woman? If not, what is the problem with an all-male council if no woman is interested in leadership positions and willing to go its full length? The truth is if we had an all-female council, it is likely a women association and if not, watch out for the next election. This is simply because men are driven to want authority. Save to say, there is no general society with the reverse council of all women and that’s not a man’s fault.

INTERLUDE

Chimamanda is a theoretical feminist, her words are ideal yet a strange reality when you think of it. A better part of her reality may be as expressed in her works. The yawning gap between ideals and reality is revealed in how her books which are widely read have a common narrative — one which vilifies men as either being wicked or foolish. Obinze should top the list of foolish men I have read in any literature. For someone whose feminist premise is “I matter. I matter equally. Full stop” her books portray something which require men to shout “We matter. We matter equally”.

When I read “Zikora” I couldn’t help hating Kwame. It was irresistible. How could he be wicked to Zikora and be insensitive to his own son. Shouldn’t that matter to him?

“I checked my phone, still nothing from Kwame. I sent another text: Your son. I felt ragged and hopeless, high on my desperation. I had already ripped up my dignity, so I might as well scatter the pieces. I called him, and his phone rang and went to voice mail, and I called again, and again, and the fourth or fifth time, I heard a beep instead of a ringing, and I knew that he had just blocked my number.” Page 18–19 “Zikora” — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Obinze’s foolishness I can forgive but Kwame’s wickedness?

The effect of Adichie’s pattern of men in her literature may be surmised by her own words

“So that is how to create a single story, show a people as one thing, as only one thing, over and over again, and that is what they become.”

THE MINORITY STORY

“The single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue but that they are incomplete”

Feminists have a narrative of how women are victims. They tell the story of womanhood as one where the odds are stacked against them. The danger here is not that it is untrue but that it is told in isolation — without considering other contributory factors. Here is why, telling the full story reduces the narrative of women being gender victims because other factors suggest other reasons, expose that victimhood is a thing across both genders and ultimately shows there are really no one shoe fits all. When we talk of rape, there are several causes of rape which feminists have bullied society into ignoring simply because it wouldn’t suit the agenda of blaming the man. To genuinely concern oneself with these other reasons is to be termed a rape apologist.

On the flipside, men do not talk about their dehumanization or discrimination. Men live to tell the tales of victory, of authority and of success. Again, this is not untrue and the danger is that it is incomplete. The story of male dehumanization and discrimination is suppressed. Feminist are unwilling to entertain any narrative that writes the man as being victim. They are tactfully dispassionate about it. Truthfully, men don’t even care. We would rather not tell the story of our victimhood. It is our world after all.

The relation here is that both genders have chosen the narrative they wish to be identified by. Men as being superiors and victors, while women as being minority and victims.

CLOSING BELLS

Feminism is sensitive and that’s the first fundamental deconstruct in our societal norms. Equality should not be sensitive but it is. So is tribalism. By societal design, these things have an unconscious effect on us. Nigeria as we speak have laws that protect women and any law which seeks to be repressive against women is fundamentally in contravention with our Constitution. There’s no law against female Presidency but we haven’t had that.

Again, there’s no law against Igbo Presidency but we haven’t had any. The line here is blurry but I hope you see that these things are more of societal dysfunction.

It is a mind thing basically.

One lesson is already known, women can be whatever they wish. While we must battle to ensure that there are no narrative specially told to disfavour women, we must also resist the urge to now beat everything into fine shapes of women discrimination when sometimes it is basically a social deconstruct just like tribalism.

I am igbo. If I want to be President, I have to battle against Northern opinionated individuals, convince the West and all of that stressful stuff and that’s basically me putting in more effort than the normal. But for the northerner, he only needs to enjoy popularity in the north and few numbers here and there and he is good. This disquisition is not about tribal bias but same ideology goes for the female trying to scale up in a world designed to favour and labour men with responsibilities. It shouldn’t be so but it is. Since we lost it at Eden, we have never had a perfect society. We can only strive.

A friend had nursed the idea of forming an ADR society for as long as we have been close. We talked about it on several occasions. When she eventually took practical steps to form the society, she discovered that there was a likely ploy to deny her the Presidency and relegate her to Vice Presidency. I wasn’t going to have it and I did not care if I was going to be dragged for it. When she told me about it, she knew I was going to try a few strings and so she specifically asked that I did nothing about it. It was sad to see her go through the stress, to see her put so much to what could have been as a matter of course. In the end, she became Pioneer President of the society. Sad but this is the reality of women winning in a man’s world and I can’t wish it away.