FEARS
‘Do you believe?’
That was all Malobi kept hearing. Do you believe?
She was in a scene from the popular Pure Flix movie. Turning to her left, she could see a car on fire. What exactly was that metallic taste in her mouth? She moved her hand and touched the corner of her lips. Blood? What was she even doing there?
She turned. Or at least she was turning, before she felt someone shove her over the bridge. Terror, was all she could feel. Her mouth was open and she was screaming, her arms flailing, but wasn’t she supposed to hear the sound of her voice shouting the names of Jesus in all the languages she knew? So what then was this silence, even though it felt like her soul was leaving her body?
She hit the water with a terrible splash. She couldn’t feel her body anymore. She was trying to hold her breath, but she was panicking and the water was entering the wrong places. Mally if you scream the water would just finally kill you. Mally? She hated that nickname, but she got the message. She didn’t know how to swim. She felt like there was a brick round her neck. Dear God please please plea… Someone was shaking her shoulder vigorously. Her eyes flew open and she felt paralyzed.
‘Malobi! Malobi breathe! Please wake up!’
She trained her eyes to focus on the person calling her name. Breathe, please. She took the deepest breath, and began coughing uncontrollably. Her husband, Jamachi, held her in his arms, rubbing her back and trying to calm her down. She was crying.
‘Its okay, it was just a dream. You’re fine. Should I get you some water?’ She heard the concern in his voice and it only made her cry more. She was drowning, water is the last thing she felt like she even wanted to see. She began to wipe her eyes but he pulled her hands away from her face and wiped them himself.
‘No, I d-don’t want water. I’m fine. It was just a bad dream. I’m fine. I’m fine.’
He was still holding her — she was so grateful because she wasn’t fine at all. He kept rubbing her back for a while, and then he finally released her. She propped up her pillows for support, and took her phone. As the screen lit up, she saw the date. 12th of May. Yay. Happy Birthday to me.
* * * * *
‘Chukwumalobim Nduka! The queen herself. Happy Happy Birthday!!!!!’
Erinayo, her PA, walked into her office by 11am with a huge smile, a big bouquet of roses and a hamper.
‘Erinayo, it’s Chimalobim.’ She was shaking her head, smiling and pretending to be annoyed but her heart was beating fast and she was low key giddy with excitement. JamJam didn’t forget, thank God! Her husband seemed to have forgotten that it was her birthday and she was too shaken up by that horrible dream to speak to anyone all morning.
‘But Chukwu and Chi mean the same thing naa. Abi am I lying?’ She had a point. But her birth certificate says, CHImalobim, and she really liked it that way. She could scream if someone called her ‘Chinekemalobim’ or ‘Olisamalobim’.
‘Anyways, this just came in for you! Just look at these pretty flowers!! I’m so jealous.’ She was clapping her hands and making faces at Malobi, who was already laughing.
‘You can leave my office now Erinayo.’ she said with a laugh.
She couldn’t take her eyes off the gifts. They really were such a beautiful sight. She heard the door shut and realised that she was now alone in the office. She saw a small card buried amidst some of the roses and she fished it out. Her eyes went straight to the sender’s signature and her heart sank. The gifts weren’t from her JamJam. As if on cue, her phone rang.
‘Chetanna.’ she said in a breath. She was holding her head in her hands.
‘Mally! Happy Birthday. Did you get my gifts? I know what you’re going to say. “It’s too much Cheta. You shouldn’t have.” Calm down first o please.’ He was laughing.
Mally. Just like in my dream.
‘Ehm. First of all, I’ve told you a gazillion-shillion times that I don’t like that nickname!!’ she whined. ‘And yes, you shouldn’t have, Chetanna.’
‘Ehm. First of all…’ he mimicked her but in a high pitched voice, ‘…no one says gazillion-shillion, ehn Aunty.’ More laughter. ‘I shouldn’t have but I did. Besides I know Oga gave you something better so just manage my small gift and stop shouting.’
She pushed away the thought of ‘Oga getting her something better’, and she joined him to laugh.
‘I don’t know what I’ll do with you. But thank you so much for this gift. The flowers are really so beautiful.’
‘Oh it’s nothing. I would have done more but….’
She knew what he was going to say but she was grateful he didn’t say it anyways. She didn’t need any more awkward tension. Did she have any plans for the day? No, she didn’t, at least to her knowledge. Maybe Oga is planning a surprise. Yeah, maybe he is. They said their goodbyes and as she dropped the phone, she let out the breath she didn’t even realise she was holding.
* * * * *
She drove into her compound and saw Jamachi’s car already there. She left the office early today. She really wasn’t feeling well. She got into the parlor and saw her husband, in all his 6'4 glory, working with his laptop and a pen tucked behind his ear. Her beautiful husband. Hers. He looked up as she walked in, and seeing her with flowers, a hamper, and a bottle of her favourite wine(from her colleagues at the office, she had already shared the cake they got for her), his eyes went wide and he grabbed his phone to check the date.
‘Shit. Baby….’ he began, but she just smiled and walked to drop her gifts on the kitchen counter. He followed her into the kitchen and they both stood there, looking at themselves. She crossed her arms.
‘I don’t know how I forgot but I did. I’m so so sorry. I would want to say that it’s work but that’s not an excuse to forget my baby’s birthday. I’m so sorry Malobi.’
‘Thank God you know it’s not an excuse. Honestly, I’m really tired and I want to rest.’
She turned to leave but he pulled her into his arms. He kissed her neck. She closed her eyes immediately and breathed in his scent.
‘I’m disappointed Jamachi, and I really don’t feel like talking to you. But I’m not angry.’ She took his face in her hands and looked at him. ‘I’m not angry.’ she said again and walked to the counter, took the hamper with her to the bedroom, fell on the bed and slept.
*** * *
She woke up to the sound of her ringtone.
‘Chetanna what’s the time? Did anything happen?’
‘Hello to you too, Malobi. Na wa. I called to check on you and ask how the celebration is going. You don’t sound alright though. Are you fine?’
‘Yes I am. Why wouldn’t I be?’ she snapped. My husband only forgot my birthday. I’m only 26 and still not where I want to be professionally. She noticed that there was no sound coming from the other end. Cheta wasn’t saying anything. She was about to hang up.
‘You and I know that that’s BS. But I’ll let you be. I just hope you have an amazing birthday Mally. You deserve to have fun today. But we’ll talk later.’ And he hung up. Great. Now, the one person who actually tried to make my day memorable is pissed off at me. Mally, you’re doing well.
She walked out of the bedroom into the parlor, and saw that her husband had prepared her favourite food for dinner.
‘Ahn ahn and the table is set and everything. See plenty senrenre o’ she said with a laugh, walking over to give him a kiss. They had dinner. He apologised again and she forgot all about the annoyance she felt earlier. Till he gave her his gift.
‘I got you something.’ He handed her a bag and she took it and brought out the things inside. A mug, a pair of shoes, and an expensive bottle of perfume. An expensive bottle of perfume, the scent of which she immediately disliked. She looked at him. She smiled.
‘Interesting. ‘ she said with a laugh. ‘Thank you baby. The gifts are beautiful. And dinner was amazing.’ She didn’t lie. Jamachi was a good cook. And the gifts were beautiful. But as she rested on his body for movie night, she couldn’t help but think about the paperback Robert Langdon series that Chetanna had gotten her. Or the knee high ‘Frozen’ inspired socks, for her feet, because she was always feeling cold. Or the leather journal. Or the collection of Winnie the Pooh bookmarks, so that she’d have to stop tearing sheets of paper to mark her pages as she reads.
* * * * *
It was time for her lunch break and she knew she wasn’t going to leave her office. With all the work at her desk? No no no. No lunch for me today.
She kept working till she heard a knock on her door and she looked up. Standing there, with a big smile, and hands holding bags from her favourite restaurant, was -you guessed it- Chetanna.
‘I wasn’t sure if you’d be going out for lunch today. And I didn’t want to call, especially with the way you spoke to me yesterday. So I said to myself, ‘’Why not just go over with food? Mally won’t say no to food from Native Kitchen.’’ So here I am, with food.’
‘Hmm?’ Malobi didn’t hear a thing he said. She was staring at him. Staring at how his shirt hugged his body in the right way. Staring at his head of beautiful curly hair. Staring at his honey coloured eyes. Her heart was doing that thing again, where it seemed like it was begging to pop out of her chest. Why, why,why, does he keep doing the right things, showing up at right time?
‘You better take it easy before you pull off your finger as well.’ he said, and his tone was gloomy all of a sudden. She didn’t notice that she had been playing with her wedding band as she was staring at him. She dropped her hands on her lap. He sat down with a heavy sigh, and looked at her with so much intensity. Her throat was now dry.
‘Why did you sound so upset yesterday? Is it Jamachi? Is he not treating you well? Is-’
‘Why are you doing this Chetanna? The thoughtful gifts. Calling me all the time. Showing up at my office with food I can’t resist?’
‘Mally, I-’
‘Cheta please.’ Her hands were on her chest. She was trying to still her heart. She was holding back a sob.
‘You need to stop. We’ve discussed this over and over again. I’m married to Jamachi now. You can’t keep trying to pretend that this isn’t my reality. You’re not making things easy for me.’
‘Why did you marry him? Malobi’m. Why?’ Cheta was reaching for her hands but she moved farther away from him.
‘You don’t love him. You don’t. Why did you marry him? Was it pressure from your mum?’ Cheta was standing now, looking at her and hoping she would say something. She didn’t. She kept her eyes down. Cheta sat again and for some minutes, they were both quiet.
‘I can’t just be friends with you, Malobi.’
Malobi. It’s not Mally anymore.
‘Its been 2 years. I’ve tried but it only gets harder. Knowing that you go home everyday to him, and I’m left with only the memories of you?’ He let out a laugh. ‘I feel like I’m losing my mind.’
Malobi was still quiet.
‘I love you Chimalobim. And that’s not news. But if you have decided to be with Jamachi…’ He stood up and went to the door. ‘…then I’ll let you be. I will always love you Mally, even though I can’t have you.’ He paused, went over to her desk, and planted a kiss on her forehead. And he walked out of the office.
Malobi was stunned. She watched him leave, and heard him comment on how fine Erinayo was looking. Her Cheta, the life of every party, the one who wouldn’t rest till he makes everyone around him smile. The one who-
She wiped her eyes and continued to work.
Jamachi is kind. Jamachi loves me and wants the best for me. Jamachi and I would soon start a family. Jamachi is God fearing. Jamachi loves me.
But you don’t love him. Why did you marry him? Why did you marry Jamachi Nduka?
Written by Kosi, O
